We are a family...

So, my mom went into detox at the hospital.  She was there for a few days before they released her with a bus pass to get to where she needed to go.  Thankfully, she made it to a place where she could plug in her phone, called me, and asked that I meet her to pick her up.

So this is a little disturbing to me.  How are hospitals releasing patients into the community when they are still all hopped up on drugs.  When I talked with my mom after her release she was still slurring from the drugs, she was shaky, and slightly disoriented.  How do you expect someone in this state to make wise decisions?  How do you expect them not to be a target for exploitation?  I would just think good practice is to give them a day to come off the drugs and then let them go.  I'm no doctor, nor do I work in the medical field.  I'm sure the answer is that the beds are full and they need to treat other patients... but there has to be a better way.

Anyway, my mom was staying with a program who was being kicked out of there apartment.  They have to be out by the 31st of this month.  As of right now the people of this program have not been told where they will be moving to... shady much?

Going back to the beginning, my mom called and asked me to meet her at her apartment to help pack up some stuff and asked if I would call my dad to see if she could stay with him.  I called, he said yes, so I met her at the apartment, helped her pack up some of her stuff, and took her to my dads.  This is an awkward situation I may or may not get into later... but it is awkward, trust me.

As of today, Mom is still there and her and Dad went to get the rest of her stuff today... we will see where things go from here.

Update 2016

Wow, it's been a while.

I hope to keep this going for a while longer this time, at least update once a week.

So to get you updated...Mom is back on the wagon.  She was sober for a good 9 months this go round.  It was great.

She had her rough patches though before she got sober.  She was kicked out of the sober living place she was living and ended up checking herself into a detox center.  The day she was released my dad had surgery to place a stint in his heart which did not go as well as expected (he is doing much better now.)  Thinking this MIGHT be something that would trigger her to get it together, she made the choice to keep drinking and ended up on the streets for about a week.

On a site note- one thing I found out about being a homeless female in Atlanta is that there are not many options for shelter.  Many of the shelters are geared towards men or women with small children.  This really made me kind of sad.  I can't imagine how many homeless women are out there that can't find shelter.  And to make it worse, how are these women supposed to find these shelters?  I guess I'm not all that involved in the homeless community, and maybe they have some form of outreach?

But back to mom- I felt bad for her.  I had no clue how to help her.  I wanted to shake some sense into her.  All of this I knew would not help.  But what really made me mad through this whole thing was she was mugged, twice!  Also, the people who lived in this sober living apartment stole from her.  Socks, underwear, food, but what really got me in a rage was the fact they stole a gold chain off of my grandfathers necklace.  They did not take the pendant, I guess they had SOME heart about them, but when she was mugged, the pendant was stolen.  This breaks my heart.

So after all of this my mom finally got sober and settled into life at the same apartment.  She got a job, she was working hard, and we got to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her birthday together as a family.  It was great and I don't know what went wrong.  She has been AWOL for the past 2 days and I am thinking about just going over to the apartment to see if I can get any information.

I'll update everyone soon and as of now I have been able to keep it together.  I hope I can continue to do so...

Keeping Up With Myself...

So I have been doing quite a bit of thinking lately.  Thinking about what I was going to write, how I wanted to say it... and time slipped away.

I will just write what comes to mind.

So finals are coming up.  Graduation is in May.  I quit my job.  I have canceled at least 5 appointments to try on wedding dresses, and my Dad greets me today when I walked through the door at his house with "I think you really have messed up this time" (in regards to quitting my job).  I mean come on Dad... really.

Note:  This is coming from a man who had the following conversation with me:
DAD: What are you going to do till you find work?
ME:  Volunteer, temp work, anything to meet new people and help others.
DAD:  Why?
ME:  Build connections... help the community... get involved in something...
DAD:  You don't get paid for doing that.
ME:  I am aware...
DAD:  That's just a really stupid idea... work for no pay.  I never understood that and it's just a waste of time.
ME:  ... ok Dad...

Kinda get an idea now?

Oh, and my mother has managed to break my heart more times than you can imagine.  So as I had said in an earlier blog, my Mom has started drinking again.  So she got clean for about a week and then decides she wants to start up again.  This time around... she looses her job.  So then after about a week of sitting around boozing it up my Aunt gets in touch with her.  After a couple of days of asking if she would like to get help my Mom agrees and she is admitted into a detox program for about two weeks.  Now she has found a new sober living facility and lets just hope she does not fudge this one up. 

I have not talked to her in weeks.  I like it this way.  I have no desire at this moment to have contact with her.  I feel guilty.
I feel guilty that I want to go dress shopping without her there.
I feel guilty that right now... I don't even have the desire to have her at my graduation or my wedding.
I feel guilty that when she calls the house I don't pick up the phone and I don't answer her text.

But I feel good right now and I like it.

Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish.  Then I realize I have a life.  I am responsible for myself only.  I have to make sure that I take care of myself.

That's exactly what I am doing.

Loving the alcoholic...or trying

I had a moment the other day listening to the radio.  I have to say I love NPR on Sundays.  (I hate to say I'm not a contributor.  I know I know.  This pledge drive I promise!)  But anyway, as I was listening to On Being (in case you wanted to listen to it), I was sucked in.

In short, Fr. Greg Boyle, is a priest working with gang prevention in LA.  He has changed the lives of many kids living in gang filled areas and his loving kindness blows me away.  He is truly doing the work of God.  But the way he spoke of his "homies" (or the kids he mentors), cracked me up!  All of these kids, and young adults, are former gang members that are trying to make a better life for themselves and Fr. Boyle is the man who had the faith in them.  

How does this play into my life?  This man has loved so many guys that have done some horrible things.  If he is able to find the love in his heart, I can find the love in my heart for my mom.  It may not be easy.  It may not be fun.  It may be hard work.  But it is something that I know I should do. 

Change to come

So it has been a moment since I have put something up.  In all honesty, I started this blog because of a class.  I am going to continue this blog because the topic of alcoholism is important to me and something, I am sure, will be present in my life for a long time.

Over the past months I have found that many people I know have had similar experiences.  I have found that opening up a dialogue about the subject is healthy; not only for me, but the many people who I have come across who have opened up to me about their own experiences.  I feel compelled to tell my story in the hopes that it will help at least one person.

What is most ironic about all of this?  When I started this blog, my mother was sober.  Now that I am writing again, my mother has recently reentered her "sober house" where they test her several times a week for alcohol use.  I am sure she is proud of herself.  I believe she has ulterior motives... but I am trying to be optimistic.  It is tough though. 

The week before I was to start shopping for a wedding dress is when my mom started drinking.  Really, is this really going on?  I could not believe it.  It put me in a tizzy.  I could not believe it.  Seriously Mom?

I talked with my Dad later that week about what was going on.  They are divorced but they still have a great friendship.  Dad told me about something my grandpa told him when he and my mom first got together.  He told me that an alcoholic will fall off the wagon as soon as things start looking up.  That is so true.  I remember when I was a senior in high school and my mom was drinking again.  It was my senior homecoming and we were taking pictures and getting ready to head out.  I will never forget my mom pulling up in the driveway (someone drove her) and she was drunk as a skunk.  First, to whoever brought her, what the hell were you thinking?  Second, that was the topic of conversation that night for the first part of the evening.  Thanks again.

I wonder if other peoples accomplishments are too hard for her to handle?  Like the story above, I am a senior in college now, graduating this semester, getting married in October... and my moms a drunk.  Or maybe a recovering one... again.


Are my acomplishmen 

In the begining...

ACoA.  Do you know what the acronym stands for?  Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Tough subject, right?

Alcoholism, it is a word that causes people to back away.  No one wants to talk about alcoholism, no one wants to admit they are an alcoholic, and no one sure as hell wants to air their family's dirty laundry about their alcoholic uncle or mother.  But that is what I am here for.

Growing up I found that it was difficult to cope with many of the feelings I had towards my mother for being an alcoholic.  I was mad at her.  I was mad at the situation.  I was mad I could not make her love me enough to stop drinking.  

Does that last sentence ring a bell?

Your family and friends who are alcoholics do love you, and that will never change.  What won't change?  No matter how much you beg, plead, and cry it will not stop the alcoholic from drinking.  The only thing you can do is care for yourself and love yourself.  Know that you are an amazing person and that you are going to be ok.  Trust me, it is all easier said than done, and I am still working on it too.

Do you know someone who is an alcoholic?  How do you deal with the tough times?